What You Got On It? (single parent debate)

I get bent out of shape about a lot of things but one thing that just burns the hell out my backside is when I hear people, especially men talk about single parenthood.

Granted there are some single fathers out there.
I’m Not Talking About You or To You.

I recently listened to a blog show of an acquaintance and the subject was about single parenthood. At this time I want to go on record as saying that when teachers asked us, the little women, ‘what do you want to be when you grow up’, our response is not “I wanna be a single parent!”

It would help the esteem and the efforts of single female parents if you would stop bashing and beating down the efforts of the parents that stood up to the challenge and stuck around.

Instead of running away from our responsibilities and exalting in the ecstasy which bore fruit from our 30 minute labor, we chose to hold our head up high to nurture and cultivate the future we created.

As a parent, society tells us to be mindful of what you tell your children. If you tell them they are stupid they will eventually believe they are stupid and inevitably stop trying to do better. What makes that situation any different when you constantly tell me that my child will end up incarcerated for murder, drug trafficking and God knows whatever else? What makes your statement any less damaging when you tell me that my child will become a woman beater and high school dropout?

Have you ever considered being mindful of the negativity that spews out of your mouth?

My suggestion to all those that have a problem with US single parents would be to:

1) Become a mentor. Not to someone you don’t know, start with your own family members. You have nieces, nephews, cousins and cousins of cousins. Heck some of you that have so much to say need to start with your own children.

2) Help establish a cost-effective, productive program that host activities for afterschool and weekends that involve not only dialogue but participation.

And if these ideas don’t appeal to you try this one.

3) Stop complaining and give a damn about someone other than yourself.

So in closing, I want to leave you with a thought. You can’t plant a seed of a tree and expect it to grow on its on. You have to turn over the soil, give it sunlight, water, fertilizer, and attention. Check on your investment and hard work; make sure the future shade you planted is growing strong and healthy. I DARE YOU, to make a difference!


  1. Good post. Here's my blog it's not as angry as yours (lol) mainly just to showcase my sewing and every now and then a rant. http://sewsassyagain.blogspot.com

  2. You were my mentor and probably the reason I mentor. I must say I agree with everything you said! :)

  3. Hmm.. I am wondering WHY the kids of single parents are being labled? I guess US WOMEN can't handle single parenting.. or so it seems.. so what about those youth raised by both that DO have the same issues that are issues of the single parents... People in general just need to stop labeling completely.. who are you(society) to judge anyone? I try hard to provide for mine and I know that the writer of this blog does too.. Maybe it should fall back on the "MEN" who still have or had the opportunities sto be a part of that child's life? hmmmm

  4. This single parent phenonema is nothing new. We (African-American women) have for eons taken on the role of total or predominant parenting even when (and often especially because) the spouse or significant other was in the home. And it seems, unfortunately, that we have to step up to bat even more now. Paradoxically, many times our parenting became more effective and efficient when the “other” removed him/herself from the situation. Go figure! Although I was angry about the lack of parenting skills exhibited by the “other”, I felt proud of what I had accomplished alone. I was able to get the children to focus in and emphasize the positive aspects of our journey while the “other” illustrated the negative behavior that I urged them not to emulate when they reached adulthood. Parenting is tough no matter how you look at it. As a wise and much missed woman I know would say, consider the source and move on. Perhaps even feel a bit of pity for the absent parent at what they are missing out on. Above all, keep your faith strong, chin high, mind focused and mind, body and soul in good shape and the Lord will bless you and yours.

  5. The first part of this posting was a little emotional but it seems like this is based on personal experiences. Therefore, I am cool with that.

    I live the step at the bottom of page.

  6. I think it is good to post things that make others think...and that you did.

    Lady Flava