Single and a Mom

After much criticism and debate with other people in my position, here I am again trying to defend something that doesn’t make much sense to me.  Single Mommyhood.  It’s a shame because that isn’t even a word.  I typed it and my spell check went crazy.

But all in all here I am defending my position against those that ridicule and mind fornicate me into believing that this was a conscious choice I made, to be where I am and how I am.  In some respect they are right, because I CHOSE not to abort….but that is another topic. 

With statistics that say my child has a higher rate of imprisonment, early copulation, multiple sexual partners, anger management issues, gang affiliations, social disconnections, minimal moral character, lower test scores and all around being an educational failure. Why would any woman WANT to be a single mom?

Although it seems the odds are stacked against us, we top off our persecution with a question and answer session about the fathom man and his whereabouts.  As I silently contemplated my response, I wanted to say “That ghetto euphemism
crapped out, and lost the testicles he held on to so dearly, when trying to get me to believe that he was a real man.”

But instead I said “Baby your dad is a busy man who’s gotta work out some things within himself”. That was some nice defecation for a youngster to absorb, but instead of that being that, God gave me a child with a brain that has working synapses who continued to make me regret my sexual choices.  I don’t know how they do it but man o man they do it with such eloquence.

Like a locomotive, he began to roll full steam ahead with one question after another, as I shook my head and reached for my glass of brown poison. “Well mom what is he busy doing? Little Johnny’s dad always come to our recitals, did you invite my dad? When can he come visit or can we go see him?” and the worse one of them all, “Mom, are you the only family I got?”

CRACK!!!! My heart just broke.

For a single mom the fate of our child/ren is the most important decision making catalyst we have. Many would have you believe that single moms are the reason that our society is in shambles but I don’t agree.  Now, there will be some men who read this and not understand or like what I’m saying.  And that is okay because the truth is often the hardest thing to accept and equally hard to hear. Truth has no beauty in it and it has no outspoken recognizable friends.   It is however one vessel of empowerment and is guilt free.

But in order to combat an epidemic that according to most is the plight of African American cultures, it is necessary to tell the truth, and to accept your role in the demise of the race. A lot of single moms are that way because of divorce, their spouse died, or they just don’t want to expose their child/ren to random men. All of these things are understandable and noble reasons, however when the generalization is made, these noble moms get clumped with the bad specimens that use their uterus as a high paying job with vacation benefits.

There are good moms and not-so-good moms and respect is owed to those that are putting in the work instead of running away from their responsibilities and exalting in the ecstasy which bore fruit from those 30 minutes of sexual labor. Some of us chose to hold our head up high to nurture and cultivate the future we created and for that, you as the onlooker should be building our esteem, not tearing it down.
Society loves to focus on the negative, giving them all the attention that is undeserving of them and yet those that would appreciate an ounce of consideration are still waiting on our just due.

I write this article not to beat a dead horse or to dispel the validity of any statistics but I’m writing this article to say that despite popular belief most women don’t aim to be a single parent and most don’t even like it.  However it is a necessary evil and those of us that are doing our best and making the sacrifices for our children would appreciate if you back up off our coattails with the negative statistics, connotations and stereotypes.  In your backlash of single mommyhood it would probably be more beneficial if you aimed your rhetoric to a specific model, maybe even check those in your own family.

So in closing put that in your statistical pipe and smoke it!  Because I’m one of many single moms and proud of it and we will prove your negative analysis of us to be, not valid; without force or foundation and indefensible. Real Single Moms Holding it Down, UNITE!!!  If we don’t do it, who will?


  1. Thanks to all that have expressed an appreciation for my writing.

  2. This I think was the most powerful thing of yours. I have ever read. thank you for sharing this with us.

  3. Im a single mom myself n somtimes we do get a beat down but u still have to keep on keepin on no matter what an give it to God n Stand....Much Luv

  4. You put it down!! I salute you & other single - Mothers in our society that's doing the great job of raising children on your own!! I'm happy & proud to say that I have been in my childrens lives from "Birth -- Adulthood" !!